Old people should never be naked. Ever.

The .... horror...

Last week, we had not one, but TWO horrific stories of underdressed oldies. First, there was Dean L. Wooten, 65, a Wal-Mart greeter who was fired recently for "greeting" customers with naked photos of himself.

Then, it got worse. Much, much worse.

Thanks to Fox Television, the keepers of good taste on television, we won't have to see Mickey Rooney's bare, 84-year-old ass on Super Bowl Sunday.

An ad for the cold medicine Airborne featuring the old-time actor's naked, wrinkly butt was rejected by Fox last week. The commercial is set in a sauna and depicts Rooney panicking when someone coughs. His towel drops as he rushes out, revealing his disgusting, prune-like, ass.

"Our standards department reviewed the ad, and it was deemed inappropriate for broadcast television," Fox Sports spokesman Lou D'Ermilio said.

Thank you, Mr. D'Ermilio. And goddamn you, Mickey Rooney, for giving me a week's worth of nightmares.